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Tuesday, September 5th, 2006
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not like this is any different, but I won't be updating this for a while, seeing as I'll be in Bodh Gaya, India for the next four months or so. I'm currently doing the london solo tour, which is both fascinating and depressing, but hey, there is a museum of freemasonry for me to check out. the hostel i'm staying at is known as the #1 party in the city, which is just dandy for a bar-o-phobe like me. i tried going to sleep at 11pm after much jetlagging, and only managed to pass out around 3am due to lights being flipped on and off, etc. no worries, soon I'll be getting the best sleep of my life, just need to make it one more night in this neon-fest. I'm rethinking my new year's plans, maybe I'll go to scotland; the london thing feels very tired. ok, i'm getting to save £1.
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Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
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| Time: | 4:08 pm. |
| Mood: |  good. | | Music: | Wire - Former Airline. |
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It's been a while since I dusted off this old thing, but here I go.
Spring break was pretty damn cool. I chilled around Wes for a few days, visited nearby friends, then went to the Hostel in the Forest with Raffi for a few days. It was at once relaxing, enlightening and troubling (the latter refering the willful ignorance of many a hippie we encountered.) I've really come to realize that I don't need very much at all (beyond food, shelter and a library card) to be happy. That is sick and incredibly liberating. I'm finally starting to leave the world alone, realizing I can't ultimately change it, and I'm just gonna piss off myself and others when I don't acknowledge that. Still, biting my tongue is as hard as ever, and I need to figure better educational/explanitory methods to accomplish maximal mind-blowing without alienating others to the extent that they shut off and ignore everything I say.
Otherwise, it's sick to be back at school, I found out soon if I get to go to India next year, and I realized how much I missed the people here I actually care about. On musical fronts, I have such sickness ahead I can't even say. Leftover Crack in Boston, Lightning Bolt and Ghost (their last show in the States), and I just got tickets for the Flaming Lips opening for OS MUTANTES (sick 60s Brazilian psychedelia) in July. Joy.
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Thursday, March 16th, 2006
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Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
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Sick of all that sleep getting in the way of your rocking the fuck out? If so, check out Angels With Dirty Faces, which just happens to be debuting tonight. I’ll be spinning all the best in Punk, Proto-Punk/Experimental and Post-Punk, with a dose of Ska, Hardcore and New Wave thrown in for good measure.
http://www.wesufm.org/
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Sunday, January 29th, 2006
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Following minutes behind Brian's footsteps, I'm posting to announce my own radio debut on WESU 88.1 FM. The show's called "Angels with Dirty Faces", and the format is in the Proto-Punk/Punk/Post-Punk vein. It'll be on tursdays every other week, starting February 16th, from 2:30-4am EST (yes, you read that right). It's on 88.1 for you Northeasterners; everyone else should go to http://www.wesufm.org/ and look on the left side of the page for streaming options. Listen!
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Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
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ouch.
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Friday, December 30th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:41 pm. |
| Mood: |  clean. | | Music: | Bob Dylan - Tonight I'll Be Staying Here With You (live '75). |
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Also, why oh why can't my professors submit my grades?!? Don't they understand my obsessive compulsive need to check my academic history every several hours? It's not even the actual grades at this point, just the satisfaction of seeing the internet change.
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| Time: | 10:59 am. |
| Mood: |  hungover. | | Music: | Miles Davis - Freedom Jazz Dance. |
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Martini + Tequila + 4 Bean Burritos + 1/2 order Breadsticks + 1/2 "Mexican Pizza" (sans cheese) = one pissed off stomach the next day.
Damn you, Taco Bell, with your delicious but ultimately fruitless Grande Meal (and so much more!).
This break has been needed, but has already involved way too much VH1 and not nearly enough outdoors-y hippie crap. This will change, I swear. Just let me finish the last "I Love the 80's 3D."
Someone slap me.
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Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
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| Time: | 12:22 pm. |
| Mood: | sore. | | Music: | X - Your Phone's Off the Hook, but You're Not. |
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Ouch.
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Wednesday, November 16th, 2005
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| Time: | 8:48 pm. |
| Mood: | hopeful. | | Music: | Neil Young - Vampire Blues. |
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So, I had course registration today. As of now I'm in Feminist Philosophy and Moral Theory (http://www.wesleyan.edu/course/phil277s.htm), Kierkegaard and Nietzsche: Living Philosophy (http://www.wesleyan.edu/course/col288s.htm), and Religion and Film (sorry Jess) (http://www.wesleyan.edu/course/reli278s.htm). I want to drop Kierkegaard for Philosophy of Mind and add Buddhism: An Introduction, but today was a pretty good start.
Things have been really good lately. Sure, I sleep until the sun goes down when I'm not in class, but I've been meeting new people and spending good time alone too. I really feel like I'm getting back to where I was last year in terms of liking where I am and who I'm hanging out with. It can be tough adjusting to social changes, but it's good knowing that I can pull through and look out for myself.
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Tuesday, November 8th, 2005
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| Time: | 1:39 pm. |
| Mood: |  irritated. | | Music: | Musak. |
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Dear Verizon,
I will eat your face.
- Me
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Sunday, November 6th, 2005
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| Time: | 5:33 pm. |
| Mood: |  morose. | | Music: | Miles Davis - Bitches Brew. |
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So, here I am, stuck in Nietzschean writing hell. This weekend was not good for my mind; I feel utterly lethargic and unmotivated to do anything. I'm back to this stupid combination of boredom with/anger towards the rest of the world, for not stimulating me, for not giving a shit about me, for making me feel so fucking alone all the time. More and more, I feel like there is a "normal" and I am not it; as I drift further into the recesses of my own consciousness, is there no one who can come with me? Who would want to? It's getting harder to explain myself to other, and maybe even to myself. The older I get, the better I get at faking it, but I still haven't learned to shut off the belittling voice in my head, always chirping away such pessimistic rabble. That's probably a given for the next 50/30/10/whatever years.
Other considerations of loving more/assholing less have been floating through my mind, but I'm so hesitant to let go of the past, of the character I see myself as always playing. I'm so ready to be challenged by someone else, and not vice versa, but I don't know how that would even happen. I never wanted to be someone else, but right now I could go for something new in my life; a new situation, new friends, a new drug, whatever. Everything just feels monotonous, like I know how it's going to go before it even happens. Am I that good, or just stupid enough to believe it? Or do I self-fulfill my prophesies of failure? Fuck, good question.
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Saturday, October 29th, 2005
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| Time: | 6:36 pm. |
| Mood: | content. | | Music: | Love - The Daily Planet. |
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That was one confused magician.
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Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
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| Time: | 4:18 pm. |
| Mood: | mournful. | | Music: | Pink Floyd - Pow R. Toc H. |
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R.I.P. Geraldine 2003-2005.
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Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
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my life is falling apart. seriously, someone clean up this mess.
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Monday, October 24th, 2005
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| Time: | 1:32 pm. |
| Mood: | bored. | | Music: | Smashing Pumpkins - Jellybelly. |
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New Goal: Find a new goal.
For all the better I've been feeling lately (and believe me, it's a lot better), I'm still sleeping my days away, doing the work I need to and that's about it. I don't know what I want, but this life ain't it. When I get this feeling of just floating through life with no telos, no end in sight, I get scared. This weekend was excellent, fun and re-energizing, but in the end, I still didn't do shit. I wish I was better at this social thing, but I'm not, and I'm sick of it. I was telling Rosina last night, I just wish some awesome person would come find me, and we could hang out, and that would be sweet. I just don't think I'm up to the process of seeking out said hypothetical-friend-person, and that sucks. I know I'm here to do something, but what, pray WHAT?
Even surrounded by friends that I love and care about, I am feeling more and more alone and isolated, misunderstood (or perhaps impossible to understand). As I get more out there in the way in perceive myself and others, I fear I am cutting myself off from those less concerned with the kind of radical reevaluation of self and universe I have set off on. I don’t want to be or feel better than others, I want to be better than myself; no other comparison really matters. I just wish I knew more people that I really felt could understand where I’m coming from, because I’m reaching the point where I don’t even want to bother explaining everything bouncing around in my head. I love other people, I love conversation, but there’s a point where my mind realizes that 99.999% of people aren’t going to provide me with the friendship and stimulation I want. That is true terror, the cramping fear of being alone with nothing but my own thoughts.
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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According to Bishop James Ussher (1581-1656), God created the universe on October 23, 4004 BC. That would make the universe 6000 years old in 1997 AD. James Ussher was an Irish Archbishop whose chronology of Biblical history was widely accepted throughout Christianity.
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Analog TV To Shut Down on April 7, 2009
The Senate Commerce Committee on Thursday gave overwhelming approval to a measure aimed at ending analog television broadcasting by April 7, 2009. The measure provides $3 billion to help consumers who cannot afford new digital TV sets buy converter boxes that would allow them to receive digital broadcasts on older models. The bill also contains a provision to assist owners of low-power TV stations to make the switch.
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Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
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One hundred and seventy four pounds of sheer terror. My driver's license (info from age 15) is now 3 pounds too high. Ha.
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Monday, October 10th, 2005
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| Time: | 2:31 pm. |
| Mood: |  groggy. | | Music: | Nine Inch Nails - I Do Not Want This. |
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These punk kids on my hall were blasting/singing along to Britney Spears, so I had to get up and blast The Downward Spiral.
Getting out of bed can be so worth it sometimes.
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Monday, October 3rd, 2005
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| Time: | 5:17 pm. |
| Mood: | good. | | Music: | The Beatles - Any Time At All. |
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First off, my computer is back and I am a happy boy. My music is saved also, thanks to the wonderful hackability of my iPod. Huzzah.
Propagandhi just announced they'll be touring the west coast around Thanksgiving, and they're playing Gilman Street in Berkeley while I'm home. Fuck yes.
I found an LP amongst my many cases today that I thought I lost the first week of freshman year.
Today is going really well. This weekend was exhaustingly splendid. Gang of Four, Cacti, Extreme Bluntage, and so much more. I have a shit-ton of work this week, but almost no classes, so that's good. I dunno, I just feel fucking awesome right now.
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Wednesday, September 21st, 2005
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| Time: | 4:53 pm. |
| Mood: |  bouncy. | | Music: | Bob Dylan - Baby Let Me Follow You Down. |
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So, in awesome news, my hard drive failed. FAILED. Bye bye, data. Thank god I decided to get that iPod, at least now most of my music collection is intact. I also have backups of my papers from last year and a lot of my pictures are online. Also, I apparently have AppleCare (for another 2-3 weeks, no less), so the replacement will be free. Phew. But that means 1-2 weeks with no computer, which is bad. Also, my whole life was on there. Shit.
Otherwise, things are going pretty well. I'm kind of sick, yesterday culminating in scary, sweat-drenched nightmares at 1 in the afternoon, but getting better. School is fine (if a bit disappointing academically; I only like 1 of my classes very much), and I'm damn excited for the weekend. And by that I mean tommorow at 4pm. God bless this college.
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Tuesday, September 20th, 2005
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| Time: | 2:16 pm. |
| Mood: |  sick. | | Music: | Yoko Ono - Kiss Kiss Kiss. |
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I just had a dream in which I went to some fucked up camp, had depraved sexual dreams (within the dream), and ended up signing up for the U.S. army out of liberal guilt. What the fuck.
I am definitely sick, and I have class in 15 minutes. Fuuuuuuuuuuck.
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Sunday, September 18th, 2005
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| Time: | 1:16 pm. |
| Mood: | sore. | | Music: | Smashing Pumpkins - Let Me Give The World to You. |
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Last night was silly, but fun in the end. Also, one of the blurriest of my life. I needed this weekend.
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Friday, September 16th, 2005
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| Time: | 11:12 am. |
| Mood: |  rain. | | Music: | Nine Inch Nails - Only. |
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And so, a triumphant return for the solipsist.
Here's to lordship and bondage, and being a wreck.
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Saturday, September 10th, 2005
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| Time: | 2:17 am. |
| Mood: |  drunk. | | Music: | Elvis Costello and the Attractions - Tonight The Bottle Let Me Down. |
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Well, the evening has come to a close with me sobering up and reading about creation in the Old Testament and talking to Katya of all people on AIM. It's a mad world sometimes, but I'm doing my best. Tommorow I will get up at the right time to buy NIN tickets, then perhaps go foresting followed by reading and then who knows what.
I'm ready to go anywhere, I'm ready for to fade...
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Friday, September 2nd, 2005
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Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides
Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
Lolita by Vladimir Nabakov
The Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test by Tom Wolfe
Foundations of the Metaphysics of Morals by Immanuel Kant
Utilitarianism by John Stuart Mill
Gulliver's Travels by Jonathan Swift
Animal Liberation by Peter Singer
Atheism: The Case Against God by George H. Smith
Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac
Live from Death Row by Mumia Abu-Jamal
Poetics by Aristotle
How to Build a Time Machine by Paul Davies
Of these, I most highly recommend Lolita, Gulliver's Travels, Animal Liberation and Atheism: The Case Against God. All of theme are definately worthy reads.
I'm posting from Sarah's in Westport, going to Wes with Howie tomorrow...expect me on campus around 11:30. Ah, so excited!!
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Monday, August 29th, 2005
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So here I am, in a suburban Philadelphia home filled with more bible quotes on the walls than my house has eating utensils. I'm here with one Phil Baiocchi, an old friend from the Oxbridge program I did the summer of 2002. We're stayed in touch, and getting to see him has been a real treat. We didn't really do much today, just hung around, met his very kind family, then headed to the theatre to see Terry Gilliam's Brothers Grimm. The most disappointing film I've seen in a good amount of time. It had good visuals and some classic Gilliam wit in the prop and set design, but the story was a silly pastiche of fantasy cliches that didn't hold together, and the dialogue and character development were horrendous. I knew it wasn't a Gilliam project from the start, and it showed. Even the dynamic baddie duo of Peter Stormare and Jonathan Pryce didn't do it for me. The whole thing seemed rushed and poorly thought out. Final thought: Fuck CGI for now and for always.
So, leaving L.A. was bitterSWEET (that is, more sweet than bitter). Saying goodbye to non-family was tough, but I feel like a did a good job this summer of balancing me time with pursuing/expanding friendships. I hope my social life at Wes moves beyond the campus a little more this time. My last two days, though, were a pretty fucking poetic goodbye. Saturday, I got Breakfast at Swinger's with Jessi, which went very well, followed by fine bowl action. That night, I went to the Youth Brigade/Cheap Sex show at the Trobadour, reading Poetics and chilling with Jessi, Pat and Ben in between bands. Going to a show alone is usually lame, but this was nice and stress free. Youth Brigade was fun, and the crowd was alright, although I got slammed spine-first into a wooden corner and thought I was paralyzed for a second. Still, the energy release I was looking for was there, and a rousing sing-along of "Sink With Kalifornija" as an encore to the night and to my summer.
Sunday, I pre-packed, picked up Madeline and Noah and heading to the Dodger game, where Roger Clemens shut us out for seven innings, but we won the game 1-0. A bit boring and fucking hot, but a fun game for me. Said byes to Noah, dropped Madeline off for nap time, errands, home, back to Madeline's with mom for dinner, then home to pack and escorted to LAX by Madeline. Ingest sleeping pill, become sleep-zombie, arrive at 7am EST. Ahh, home.
These next days are going to be any and all of the following: jaw-dropping, scary, new, invigorating, comforting, strange, awkward, silent, blissful, confusing, breath-taking, relaxing, filled with deep conversation, stressful, loud, soft, nothing, everything.
Here's to running head first, eyes closed, in hopes of who knows what...
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Monday, August 22nd, 2005
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| Time: | 12:02 pm. |
| Mood: | refreshed. | | Music: | New Model Army - Vagabonds. |
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So, I'm back from an epic five-day road trip with Jay and Madeline. Fucking incredible. I've gone from unending gloomy boredom to the excitable, rejuvenated me I'm used to at school (which by the way is less than 2 weeks away!) We spent 3 days in San Francisco with Ms. Jessica Jones, which totally re-confirmed my burning need to live there someday. After that, we spent a night and a day in Napa Valley, got lots of free wine, then boogied down to Santa Cruz, the UC of which made me super jealous (their entire campus is IN a forest). Then we headed down, stopping at a mineral hot spring, which was one of the most relaxing experiences of my life.
This summer has, for lack of better words, sucked pretty hard. I'm so glad that I can end on this note; it's made me rethink a lot of the bullshit I've been dealing with and I feel a lot better about where I'm at now. I think just getting out of the house and having major stimuli was a major part of this, so next summer I need to do more of that. I'm in town for just six more days, so it's time to start seeing people for the last time, packing, etc. Should be fun.
Pictures coming as soon as Madeline gets off her lazy ass and sends them to me.
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Wednesday, August 10th, 2005
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| Time: | 6:40 am. |
| Mood: | annoyed. |
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Just woke up at 6:30 for NIN tickets that go on sale exactly ONE MONTH FROM TODAY.
Arg.
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Saturday, July 30th, 2005
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Strange clouds on the emotional horizon, storms coming, yet there is a calm center within me. Although trepidation looms over me, I know I am alright. Taking things slowly, patience and above all else, with love for all living things, I must do what I must do, for myself and for others. I'm growing fast as ever, marching on towards God-knows-what, but I knew I was always destined to go there. Cryptic? Perhaps. But if it was easy, what fun would that be?
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